


To Make You Feel My Love

by Bells_Hunt



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Wings, Angel Wings, M/M, Wings, Wings!AU, jalecsecretsanta2017, minor character death (mention)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-02-19 14:44:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13125855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bells_Hunt/pseuds/Bells_Hunt
Summary: If there was one thing Alec Lightwood was sure about, it was that his parabatai was most definitely not in love with him.





	1. Storms Are Raging On The Rolling Sea

**Author's Note:**

> Part I of my Jalec Secret Santa for willowsmarika on Tumbr. I hope you like it!! More parts will come your way soon!! 
> 
>  
> 
> Happy Holidays! <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1 of To Make You Feel My love, Alec's point of view.

 

 

 

 

_When the rain is blowing in your face, and the whole world is on your case, I could offer you a warm embrace, to make you feel my love._

 

 

 

If there was one thing Alec Lightwood was sure about, it was that his parabatai was most definitely not in love with him.

He told it to himself again, either way, as he ran his fingertips down snowy white feathers. He barely touched them, tweaking the odd ones back to place, and brushing the plumes into the right direction, slowly bringing the wings that had been laid out in front of him back to impeccable. Just as his hand splayed out and his thumb worked down the center, where they met his spine, Jace gave a soft shudder and Alec had to bite on his lip.

They were in silence. They usually were whenever they did this, once every two weeks. Jace didn’t like to talk about the shudders, or the quiet way his back would arch sometimes, and his eyes would close and lips part. So they didn’t. Alec felt as though Jace’s wings — magnificently white, and uncommon for a shadowhunter — were the strings of his entire body, and as Alec groomed them patiently, carefully, each brush of fingers and tug played a different note directly into Jace’s bones. Alec had never felt specially artistic (or at all), but every once two weeks, he felt like a concertmaster, creating music that only Jace could hear, or dance to.

He never touched more than he should. Oh, he wanted to, but that was exactly the reason why he couldn’t. Jace’s reactions were pure and untainted and Alec thoughts weren’t, so he had to make sure none of his touches would ever stray towards the latter. He was efficient and gentle, kept his distance, cursing inside his head whenever he had to dive in more than he’d planned to. Necessity that at times would add to Jace’s reactions a soft muffled whine that Alec felt bitten onto his own bottom lip from the sheer strength Jace was using to keep it in.

And if every once in a while, when they were done, Jace would be lax and loose, and fall asleep on his bed, and if he didn’t seem to mind when Alec lied besides him. And if by chance he ended up with his face pressed onto Alec’s chest. Then Alec knew that was nothing but the bruised, underfed, boy still inside of Jace stripped bare by physical contact overload, and he would put his arms around him and keep him safe for as long as he needed to until he found his walls again.

 

 

**o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o**

 

 

_When the evening shadows and the stars appear, and there’s no one there to dry your tears, I could hold you for a million years, to make you feel my love._

 

 

 

If there was one thing Alec Lightwood was sure about, it was that his parabatai was most definitely not in love with him.

He told it to himself again, either way, while Jace’s laughter blasted into his ears like rumbling thunder, shaking his bones, and the wind of his flight ruffled Alec’s already messy black-blue feathers when Jace dived over and then under him. His white wings looked golden in the afternoon sun as he flew away, as swift as any bird of prey, and ten times as sublime to watch.

It was the same every flight training, three times a week. They’d start with the complex techniques, testing each other strengths with weapons and flight gear or just bare hands and wings at strike. Alec would waste time convincing Jace yet again that he wasn’t going to practice moving targets on him, not even to win a bet, no matter how ridiculously outrageous the prize. And on the hand-to-hand he would almost get it, just before his parabatai turned tables as he tended to do, and ended it with a flashing smirk on his running mouth. Then they’d switch to flow, speed, and accuracy tests, one of them standing on the roof while critiquing the other’s moves in the air, both always thinking the other wasn’t being hard enough on them.

And sometimes, if Izzy hadn’t joined them by the time it was over, and the air was clear, when their breaths were heavy and their wings had just started to strain, they’d escape. They’d fly much further away from the Institute’s pinnacles then Hodge had instructed them to, and led by games and will, their technique and training would take a backseat to fun and lighthearted dares as they drew dark and light circles on the air. And on those days, if it just so happened that maybe, while they circled and explored New York’s skies, Jace’s flight moves were a little more flirtatious than Jace probably realized, that was nothing more than his parabatai’s prerogative.

Jace had always flirted for breathing. And if his wing tips brushed Alec’s ankle at times, shooting liquid heat up his legs; or he teased Alec just to get him chasing with a smile on his face; or smirked as he flew way too close for safety and got Alec’s heart pounding, it just meant that Jace was in a good mood, and nothing else. Jace Wayland was the last nephilim who’d get involved in actual mating flights, and the world would burn before he got anywhere near doing one of those for Alec.

So instead of blushing too much and drawing a blank, Alec would easily smirk and tease him right back, dark wings creating blasts that sent his parabatai spiraling like a gold coin in the sky. Both of them would enter a dance in which each of their dangerous motions, arches, and acrobatics were carefully timed by a decade of practice and familiar ease, a routine they’d been perfecting from the moment they’d met. A fight from the outside, as though they were trying to blow the other right off the air, a perfect whirlwind from where Alec was standing, as they always managed to miss one another just in time. Their powerful wings turning, diving, and climbing in sync until every thought faded away and Alec forgot he was ever apart from Jace and they weren’t as physically one as they felt in every other aspect.

And once they couldn’t fly anymore, and sat together at the nearest rooftop, if Jace would scoot closer against his spread wing to protect from the cold of the setting sun, then Alec would just wrap it around him and let his parabatai know he wasn’t going anywhere. It didn’t matter that they couldn’t stay that connected all the time. He was never going anywhere. No matter how many times the voice inside of Jace told him so, no matter how many nights washed silver over them and made their bones shiver, Alec was never leaving him. And he’d tell him in every way, through as many flight sessions, as he ever needed him to.

 

 

**o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o**

 

 

_I know you haven’t made your mind up yet, but I would never do you wrong. I’ve known it from the moment that we met, no doubt in my mind where you belong._

 

 

 

If there was one thing Alec Lightwood was sure about, it was that his parabatai was most definitely not in love with him.

He told it to himself again, either way, as the weight of Jace’s head on his thigh felt warm and familiar, while they sat together on the couch — Jace stretched over it, and his own feet up the coffee table —- and read demonology books.

He repeated it in his head whenever Jace would read out lout a particularly nasty part and amuse himself with his own ridiculous jokes. His nape brushing against Alec’s twitching thigh muscle as laughter rocked his body, and sparking fluttery heat in Alec’s stomach. He’d say it over and over as he smiled down at him, feeling like a perfect dopey idiot, and the sight of Jace so relaxed, reminded him of the boy that’d never thought loving that face could make him bad. He’d tell it to himself especially when his fingers would brush the ends of Jace’s hair and Jace wouldn’t move away, rather grin back at him and wink, as though getting Alec to laugh or smile with him had been his one end goal all along.

He told it again, expressively, when at times Jace would fall asleep, spent after a particularly bad night of terrors and as though Alec’s lap was his only safe haven, and he would barely breathe for as long as it took for the lines of weariness on his parabatai’s forehead to clear out.

 

 

**o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o**

 

 

_I’d go hungry, I’d go black and blue. I’d go crawling down the avenue. No, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do to make you feel my love._

 

 

If there was one thing Alec Lightwood was sure about, it was that his parabatai was most definitely not in love with him.

He told it to himself again, either way, as they sat too close together at their favorite Taki’s booth, like usual, and Jace ranted on about one of his late conquests (or was it one of the old ones just all over again? Alec wasn’t sure). His words blurring together while every movement he made as he talked brushed against Alec, Jace being pressed heels to shoulders to him and casually eating off the same plate, because he hadn’t felt like making an entire order just for himself.

He reminded himself as Jace’s fresh scent of soap and his favorite shampoo tickled his nose and watered his mouth, and once again when his breath would raise painful goosebumps on Alec’s recently shaved skin, his heart welcoming the irritation with a rush of blood to his cheeks. He particularly plundered the words into his head whenever Jace would tease him for not listening, kicking at his ankle, and when sometimes he’d leave their feet hooked together like that. The pitiful look Izzy would offer something he ignored with ease.

He supposed the way Jace openly flirted with the waitress every single time could be enough of a red flag, if it weren’t him the one to take Jace home when they were finished. And when Iz would leave them for better plans, Jace’s hand and arm would be brushing his all the way back to the Institute, and if Alec was lucky, right into his bedroom. Where they’d conjecture on his bed about how long it’d take for Izzy to come home that night, and if she’d make her date cry before it was over.

Alec’s tongue would still taste of the apples they’d share for dessert, even after brushing his teeth and dozing off. The back of his eyelids dancing with soft gold, at the thought of Jace’s warm eyes as he wished him good night before leaving.

 

 

**o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o**

 

 

_Oh, the storms are raging on the rolling sea, and on the highway of regret._

 

 

If there was one thing Alec Lightwood was sure about, it was that his parabatai was most definitely not in love with him.

He told it to himself again, either way, fervently as Jace’s lips of whiskey and desperation, crashed against his own, and Jace’s hands curled tight onto the collar of his jacket, half pulling him down, half keeping himself up as he kissed him way too hard to be of any good. He prayed it in his head like a mantra when Jace’s teeth found his throat and his strength pushed Alec against the nearest wall, the intricate ornaments of the Institute digging into Alec’s spine.

He said it out loud, even, as he tried to pull him back by his golden hair, but the words choked in his mouth when Jace’s peppered his face, eyelids, nose and mouth, promising, swearing on the angel and the whole heavenly cast that it was just this once, that he just wanted to know it once. Though what was it, Alec couldn’t get out of him.

So even as he swore, himself, that he knew, that those words were etched onto his skin for good, he cradled Jace’s desperation with his love, and took his fear with bare hands as he guided him into an actual kiss as best as his inexperience could. And even when his tongue had drunk enough of the alcohol to lap up Jace’s taste underneath, and everywhere his fingertips touched felt through the bond like pressing grateful relief onto Jace’s aching skin, he vowed he wouldn’t forget.

Jace didn’t love him like that. And Alec knew it as the bond took him as far as the comfort of Jace’s clean sheets and chamomile smelling pillows, but wasn’t enough to push his fingers to where his clothes would come undone. Jace didn’t love him like that. And Alec knew it as he flipped them over, instead, covering Jace’s body with his own, safe from every bad thing in that world, and kissed him as hard, as deep, and as long as it took to breathe into him enough love to keep him safe from his inner monsters just the same.

Jace didn’t love him like that. And Alec weaved the words into his hair with his fingertips, as Jace finally exhausted himself and fell asleep with reddened lips pressed against Alec’s thrumming pulse on his throat. Jace didn’t love him like that. And Alec drank it in with the smell of his leather jacket and the brush of his rough jeans, as his eyes stayed on the ceiling for hours after Jace’s breathing had evened out, and his hands had tired of running lullabies over him. Jace didn’t love him like that, but it didn’t matter, because that was enough, the peace that slowly replaced the overwhelming despair that had flowed through the bond before, was enough. Jace was more than enough.

 

 

**o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o**

 

 

_The winds of change are blowing wild and free. You ain’t seen nothing like me yet._

 

 

If there was one thing Alec Lightwood was sure about, it was that his parabatai was most definitely not in love with him.

He told it to himself again, either way, dryly, as the burning tip of his stele ran down Jace’s skin and marked his parabatai in one of the most intimate ways possible for a shadowhunter. As they stood inside his room, shirtless and focused, each a stele in hand, and eyes on their work, he forced himself to remember the way Jace’s eyes had looked when they met her. He repeated the words in his head as he recalled Jace offering the mundane his special trust me smiles, that he’d always thought were kept for him, and the way his eyes glinted with admiration when she talked.

He said it to himself again, as neither of them flinched at the sting of the steles, but for the slight flicker of wings, and felt the power waving off their bond and the heat in their parabatai runes as they fed each of their markings on each other with enhanced angelic energy. He thought them again, as they finished and Jace asked if he was ready. And when their eyes met for the longest minute of his life, neither of them saying a word, as hands rested at their side and their runes almost glowed, reddened skin blazing, in the dim light of the bedside lamp.

He reminded himself one last time as he nodded, once he could tear his eyes from Jace’s and from the even more attractive red of his mouth. And his mind flowed with it as they left for their stupid, stupid, plan, after gearing up and joining Izzy and the redhead. And he realized once again as he shoved Jace aside and launched himself towards Abaddon that their vows rose above. And even if those words would follow him to his grave, it didn’t make a real difference when it came down to it. His place was still would be by Jace’s side. No matter whom Jace’d end up choosing to let breakthrough into his guarded heart.

 

 

 

 

 

**o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o**

 

 


	2. Make Your Dreams Come True

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 of Make You Feel My Love. Jace's point of view.

 

 

**o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o**

 

 

 

 

_I could make you happy, make your dreams come true. Nothing that I wouldn’t do, go to the ends of the Earth for you, to make you feel my love._

 

 

 

If there was one thing Jace was sure about, it was that his parabatai was most definitely in love with him.

He had known it from the moment their hands joined inside the circle of fire of their sacred oath, and Jace had looked into Alec’s eyes as he was swarmed by all of his best friend’s emotions at once. He had known it then that he had never quite understood the amplitude to which someone could love him, he’d also known he had yet to realize exactly how deep and far Alec’s character and loyalty went. Every emotion that Alec held in his chest Jace breathed in at once, and it was like drowning just as he understood what really living felt like. He’d expected pain, fear, or regret, to come with it, anything that told him that parabatai bond had been the last thing Alec had wanted. But in the instant their souls were reshaped and bound together by angelic grace, forever, all he’d felt none of it.

Alec had looked at him with nothing but pride, and the same surprised vulnerability that Jace felt, and as his golden eyes lost themselves in dark blue, he wondered how the love he held for Alec was any different than the rushing emotions he felt from his, now, parabatai. Emotions that curled into his stomach and pounded against his heart as Alec’s own flesh and blood seemed to be shared with him as well, in an addictive need that left little room for doubt. Flashes of their moments together like semi forgotten dreams poured into his mind and Jace realized with a frighten that they encircled nearly every happy or just non numbed down memory he had of the past five years. No moment in his life had truly terrified him since he’d watched Valentine’s men take his father’s life. Until then.

The very next night, he went out on his own and he had his first kiss.

It all seemed like such a long time ago, now. But even though he had made a point to find distractions in a row of girls and missions, he always seemed to find his way back to the circle of his parabatai’s arms at the end. It was as though he was always chasing that one second of complete peace and overwhelming love, from back when Alec had held his forearm proudly, and the oath had slipped as easily and unstoppable as running water from his own lips. Back when he had finally understood, even if for that one second, what it was like to feel utterly unbroken, and albeit those seconds were precious and accounted for, the words on the back of his mind had never changed. The deep richness of Alec’s emotions had never changed. 

It hadn’t changed when the war came. It hadn’t moved when Jace threw himself into a moral crusade, because it was easier to fight for his righteousness, than his heart. It hadn’t stopped Alec’s lips from smiling, once Alec woke enough from his demon poisoning to find Jace’s restless concern sitting by his bed. It hadn’t faded through the sleepless nights spent by his side on the roof, when finding he had more family left than he’d thought didn’t help matters. It pulsed on the back of his mind when the nightmares came back, and, just as they had before, Alec’s arms guarded him, unquestioning. It had seeped under his skin as Alec made sure he was safe as they made it through to Idris, and when calloused hands held his own hurt ones so gently, bandaging him when Jace hurt himself, as though he could keep things from falling apart just with the shedding of his own blood.

It’d been there, bruised in the salt of the hidden wet kisses they’d shared in hopelessness, growing even when grief overwhelmed them so much that all they could do was hold on to each other to make it through the night, Max’ name pierced through their hearts. It’d been in the way Alec’s hand held his as they bid farewell and the suffocating smoke had raised high in the sky. It’d tasted on his tongue as he wrote the note he left for Alec of promises he’d wished to make, bound with his ring, and it’d been the last thing he’d felt before the chord of his life had snapped under his father’s hand.

It’d pulsed back to life when he’d taken his second first breath. It’d enveloped him when Alec had sat by his side as they’d watched the smoke go up again and he’d held Jace’s wrist until he’d let go of the grass, dirt pushed deep under his fingernails that Alec’s fingertips had caressed, and staining the bruise of his knuckles that he’d kissed.

It’d been in the quiet way they’d flown with each other again in the New York sky after what had felt like a lifetime, and in the way when Jace’s wing had brushed his skin, Alec had then stopped and stared, and Jace hadn’t smiled it away.

That had been the night when Jace had known not death nor life could distract him or change the fact that what they’d felt had always been one and the same, as they were meant to be, themselves.

He’d flown with Alec until their wings couldn’t keep them in the air any longer, and when he’d pressed fingerprints onto Alec’s skin and his lips to his mouth under the silver of the moon, it hadn’t been out of pain.

Alec loved him.

And Jace repeated the words in his head as their wings spent so much time intertwined, he started to find lost black feathers between his own every time he stretched them out. Alec loved him, and Jace felt it when they spent magnificently lazy afternoons running fingers through each other’s wings until they were both shuddering. Alec loved him, and Jace knew it every time a quiet bowl of cereal was placed in front of him at the breakfast table, or when Alec sat with him in the music room for hours, despite the fact that classic music bored him to death. Alec loved him and Jace allowed himself to know it as he stumbled on the way and punishment never came. Alec loved him and Jace saw it in Alec’s eyes whenever he held them in his own.

Alec loved him and Jace memorized it in the smile that was burned into his mind every and each morning since, when he would say good morning with murmurs over his skin, and his tongue pressed onto Alec’s goosebumps. Alec loved him and Jace had been devastatingly foolish and afraid.

 

Alec loved him and Jace loved him back. Loved him with more passion and just as much quietude, with more affection, and more desire, and more peace, than Jace had ever thought himself capable of.


	3. With Each Other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 and final of To Make You Feel My Love, back to Alec's point of view.

 

 

 

 

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

 

 

_To make you feel my love._

 

 

 

If there was one thing Alec Lightwood was sure about, it was that his parabatai was most definitely, crushingly, irrevocably, completely, in love with him.

 

He told it to himself again, either way with pleasure, as he watched Jace enter the study room cradling a hot mug and blowing softly into the hot chocolate as he frowned at it. He told it as Jace glared up at him when he caught him smiling, and when his parabatai rushed to get under his wing with him. He told it to himself as he was offered the mug to his lips and tried to stop smiling as he sipped gently, shuddering at the sudden warmth. He told it when Jace looked at him with poorly masked expectation and he nodded, before the blond smiled smugly and sipped from it himself, curling up to Alec’s black wing and shoulder, and springing his own white ones out, to drape over their laps like a blanket.

He told it to himself as they watched the snow fall outside, through the high ceiling iron windows, and as their books _and mug_ were forgotten when Jace climbed his lap. He told it to himself as Jace’s murmurs over his lips and skin told him _just that_ , with the simplest of things: Jace saying Alec’s name like a prayer and peppering his skin with the vowels and consonants that he made as beautiful as the season with his marshmallow lips. 

He told it to himself again, the next day, as Jace held his hand through the loud talking, giggling and exclamations while they opened presents in the common room. And despite the usual teasing, when he came to sit on his lap at his turn, present in hands, and a grin embellished in sun on his face. He told it to himself again and again and again, as he pressed hard thankful kisses to Jace’s mouth, and their friends and family jeered, screamed, booed and clapped around them, but Jace kept his grip firm on his shoulder even as Alec felt the combined heat of both their blushes waving off between them.

He told it to himself quietly in the night, one last time, as they lied together in bed, wings and legs intertwined, and Alec watched Jace sleep for no other reason than to memorize the patterns the city light made on his face; no nightmare to watch out for as Jace looked more peaceful than Alec had ever seen him, encircled in his arms.

And he didn’t need to tell it to himself, when Jace woke up for a second - eyelids fluttering open - stared at him in surprise, scooted closer and said, in sleep-rough voice, “We’re gonna get children, children should get to cuddle you,” then fell asleep again, with a long, soft, breath. And Alec could _almost_ watch as the weight finally lifted from his heart, and blew away into the city.

 

If there was one thing Alec Lightwood was sure about, it was that his parabatai and he were most definitely, in love with each other.


End file.
